- You have such a wonderful life. Why in the world would you want to upset it?
- Don't you think you're asking a lot from your (biological) kids?
- What are people going to say?
- This is going to make people uncomfortable.
- Why not white children?
- I don't think you know what you're getting yourself into!
- You're good people. Why do you have to go to the extreme?
It's not as though I really want to justify these remarks and questions with answers, but I want to share what is on my heart and the depth of my love and commitment to these children of mine, whom I don't even know yet!
You have such a wonderful life. Why in the world would you want to upset it? This is true - we do have an almost-perfect life; one full of safety, security, love, family, future; these are all gifts - they are blessings. The older I get, the more I have come to realize this is not how life was intended; no struggle, no adversity, no heartache, no pain. No stretching oneself, getting uncomfortable, taking risks, going out on a limb.........God did not intend for our lives to be this way. I know I was given this life for a reason; each and everyone of us could have been given the life of someone else; someone less fortunate, less healthy, less wealthy - but we didn't get that life. Doesn't that mean something? Doesn't that make you realize the absolute and complete gift you were given and the deep responsibility that comes with it? ("To whom much is given, much is expected.") More importantly, since when was having more children considered "upsetting one's life"? I have faith that these precious children are going to give us MORE happiness, MORE fulfillment, MORE love, MORE of every good thing we already have!
Don't you think you're asking a lot of your (biological) kids? Well, yes, but we ask a lot of our children in every aspect of life. Isn't that our job as parents; to create human beings in the likeness of Jesus; children who are compassionate, kind-hearted and humble? In this day and age of instant gratification and self-fulfillment, it is terribly difficult to instill these values. The majority of our kids will NEVER see the devastation, poverty, abandonment, and complete hopelessness that an orphan living in a third-world country will. Nor will they ever have to do things like walk everyday for 2 hours there and back to bring water to their mother dying of aids. Or at 10; care for 6 younger brothers and sisters while their widowed-Mom spends 18 hours away from home trying to feed them; living in a home with no running water, no electricity, no bed. I know my kids are going to be changed by this decision forever. What I believe (and am praying for) is that this experience is going to open them up to a level of depth and faith most people never find their entire lives. I am praying this for myself too!
What are people going to say? I (respectfully) don't care.
This is going to make people uncomfortable. It should. It should make people uncomfortable that there are 148+ million children in the world who need a family - who are lonely - who are hungry - who need our help and only a small percentage of the world acts, while the majority looks aside. This should devastate us! My guess is the people I make uncomfortable with my new family don't get this and I probably won't change that!
Why not white children....why do you have to adopt from Africa? This is the most amazing question that has been asked; the idea that someone would even think this, much less speak it??? Why any color........why does it matter? We are all the same - God loves each and everyone of us exactly the same - he values the life of the black, white, yellow and red child exactly the same - why shouldn't we??? The consideration of color was never a question for us. What WAS in question was need; where was the need greatest? The orphaned children living in Ethiopia are on the brink of life and death. The median age is 17, most will never see their 6th birthday. We knew our family meant real - actual life to one (or two!) of these kids! Don't be misguided though, another reason we chose Africa is because, all-be-it a country in peril, it is also a country of rich culture and a love for children like no other. The majority of these children are the only thing of value their parents will ever have - they are treasured and adored beyond measure. The same goes in most orphanages; because of Christianity, the kids have faith and hope that allows them to trust and bond with their caregivers. For anyone who knows anything about adoption; bonding and trust are two of the biggest obstacles.......this seems to be less of an issue with these children.
I don't think you know what you're getting yourself into! Do you ever know what you get yourself into when you have a child biologically either? Believe me; I have researched this adoption thing til' I'm blue in the face and for a number of years now, and in the end - it all boils down to one simple thing: FAITH. I can know all the facts and figures, all the latest child development resarch, the statistics, but I am faithful that beyond all that, God will see us through. He will protect and bless our family through the good times and the bad. I know raising any child is hard work and these little people have had a rough start, but I am willing to put the work in. I am willing to roll up my sleeves and help them heal their hurt, mourn their immense losses and catch them up on what they've missed. Im no fool - I know it won't be easy and there will be hardship, but does anything good come without struggle? I do know what I'm getting myself into: and to that, I say: "bring it on"!
You're good people, why do you have to go to the extreme? Well, I know very well that I am not really a "good" person, I am not what God wanted - either are any of us. We are all sinners - we are all broken. We will never live up to what God really wants from us......to be like him. I can't for one minute justify that because I have tried to be the best parent to the perfect children I have been given, I don't lie (often), I don't steal or cheat, and I haven't killed anybody (yet) that this makes me a good person. In fact, I have taken every single gift and blessing I have been given and kept it for myself and the people I choose to love. I might share a little with my church and a few philanthropic organizations locally......but I am in no way sharing my blessings to the point that it is making an impact on my cushy life. When I look back at my life someday; hopefully as a very old lady, I want to say I did something BIG, something meaningful, something important, I changed a life, I made a difference, I lived for someone else but myself!
Okay - so there it is; through these crazy questions, hopefully you will understand what has brought us to adoption. This is where our hearts and minds are. I know not everyone is going to understand our decisision. I know it's a ton to take in and accept. What we hope for is that our family and friends support us and pray for us, and in time, learn to accept and love ALL of our kids.
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